I hate this.

I hate it when I can't help. So badly I wish I could but sometimes I just can't and I don't know what to do I'm so lost. I wish I could feel your pain but I can't force my parents to divorce to experience what you're going through. But do not ever say I don't understand. I have experienced something so similar. My grandfather, I miss him so much no one knows. I loved him more than anyone in the world no can fill that space in my heart; no friends; not J.J.; no other family. No one can have that, I dedicate it to him. I will always be missing something close to me and it's you Grandpa. My thoughts of you bring me to dreams. I wish you were here. I love you so much and I wish you never left. I know you loved me and everyone tells me how happy I made you when I was younger, my memories with you are the only childhood memories I keep. I erased everything else. I don't want to remember anything else but you. I don't want anything right now but you. I need you I need you're help, I want to be with you. I wish you could come back. I wish you never fell. I wish you never saw that car that made you fall. I wish the hospital was more careful, I wish I knew God back then to pray for you. I wish I knew. I wish I could have done something. You're the only thing that I loved. I really wish I was with you right now I need you so bad. You're the only person in the entire world that understands me. After you died I went into depression now I know why I wanted to die in 8th grade, I wanted to be with you. It all makes sense, and I want you so bad. Come back Grandpa. I wish I could tell you how happy you made me, I wish you could read this. I wish for to much. I wish you could hear me, see me, talk to me, listen to me, hug me, pick me up; I want to go back. I want to start over, a new life. I want to do it all again.