I hear in my mind all these voices.

I am awkward, I am uncomfortable, I am unsure, I am uncertain. I am lost. I do drugs, I drink alcohol. That's not me. I don't support drinking, I'm not crazy about smoking. I am hypocritical. I can't help it. I am wrong. My mother is an alcoholic, I hate it. So why do I do it? I don't know. I am curious. I am confused. I have a future. I have dreams. But I can't fulfill my dreams when I throw them away with stupid decisions. I fall into peer pressure of someone close to me. It breaks my heart. I can't answer all my questions. I want to be thin, I want boobs, I want good grades, I want more time in life to achieve my dreams. I want to win a noble peace prize, I want a boob job, I want to be a Disney princess, I want to create a cell phone for the blind, I want to have four kids, I want to live in Australia, I want more time. I need more time. I want to smoke ciggerettes, why I have no fucking idea. I just want to, to be cool? Maybe? I'm not sure. I want to worship God, but I just fail him every day. I wish I had been born in the 60's and grew up in the 70's. I wish the computer wasn't the new notebook. I wish writing in journals was still normal and making scrapbooks were thoughtful. I wish paper and pen were the only things I had. I would most likely succeed in school without my ipod, phone, or computer. I would still survive and possibly get a scholarship to college for academics. I wish Isabel didn't get kicked out of college, I wish my parents were different. I wish my physical features were different. I am jealous of others wealth, family, friends, clothes, and love. I envy my friends. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to talk. I wish I could just think and write all my thoughts out. And not have to share my emotions. I wish I wouldn't cry everyone I feel attacked. I wish I have thicker skin. I wish I never met the people I met in 5th grade. I wish my life was nonexistent. But then I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't have found my first love, I wouldn't have met my best friend, I wouldn't have met Dave, I wouldn't have met Alberto, I wouldn't have met Sylvia. I wouldn't be the way I am. Is that good or bad? Do I regret living, sometimes. yes. I wish I could just pick a side, Christian or druggie. But I can't.